Delhi to Get New Name Too

Bombay became Mumbai, Madras became Chennai, Calcutta became Kolkata and Bangalore is making the switch to Bengaluru. Now comes news that Delhi will soon be known as Dilli. “Delhi is an English word, a colonial word,” said Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit. “In the local languages, everyone knows our great city as Dilli.”

Atlanta resident Archana Sen said the name change would benefit her and other new immigrants. “I’m so relieved about this,” she said. “Now people will not make fun of us when we say we’re from Dilli.”

The new name is also expected to benefit poets, many of whom had trouble getting anything to rhyme with Delhi, aside from ‘smelly.’

“It’s exciting,” said Indian poet Vikram Bikram. “Now I can write lines such as ‘Silly Willie went from Philly to Dilli to eat some chili.’ I hope no one steals that line. It took me all night to think of it.”

Job seekers will also welcome the change. “It will prevent misunderstandings,” said Raj Gopal, an accountant in Duluth, Ga. “I once went to an employment agency and told them I had worked in Delhi before. The next day, I had a job slicing meat.”

Perhaps the biggest beneficiary will be a company called City Change Inc., which helps Indian cities make the transition from a well-known to an unknown name. “People think it’s an easy thing,” said Rajiv Gupta, CEO of City Change, “but it’s a huge, costly process. We have to change countless signs, logos and stationery – and we also have to help businesses make the change. Do you have any idea how many Delhi Darbars there are?”

The city will also have to spend money on educating people around the world about the new name. “That’s very important,” Gupta said. “You won’t believe how many Americans still ask me what happened to Madras. They think it got swept away by the tsunami.”

Abraham George, a professor at the soon-to-be University of Dilli, questioned the name change, saying that the city was losing a name brand that had been built over many decades. “Imagine if Yahoo suddenly changed its name to Laloo,” he said. “It would lose money everywhere but Bihar.”

Chief Minister Dikshit said most people in the city, even the homeless, supported the name change, despite the cost. A homeless man who just happened to be standing outside her office agreed. “The name change is a good thing,” he said. “I would much rather be homeless in Dilli than homeless in Delhi.”

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the German airline Lufthansa has advised passengers who write “Dilli” on their suitcases to save time and not bother going to baggage claim. About 50,000 suitcases bound for Mumbai, Chennai and Kolkata were recently found in a warehouse at Frankfurt International Airport, all of them labeled “Undeliverable. City of destination not found on map.”