New Security Measures Protect America From Doctors

As Britain reels from last week’s foiled terror plots, President Bush has ordered background checks on all doctors and the tightening of security at all clinics and hospitals. Doctors will be subjected to heavy frisking at airports and their baggage will be combed through with help from bomb-sniffing dogs.

“Our country will be safer as a result of these measures,” Bush said. “We are sending a strong message to any doctors who are thinking of bringing harm to Americans.”

British police have arrested eight suspects in connection with the attempted car bombings in London and Glasgow. Among them are at least five doctors, two from India and one each from Iraq, Lebanon and Jordan.

“We are not saying that all doctors are terrorists,” Bush said. “Most of them are fine upstanding citizens.”

To emphasize the point, Bush paid visits to several clinics and hospitals around Washington D.C., where he shook hands with doctors and hugged a few of them. “They’re good people,” he said. “Well, most of them anyway.”

As he was leaving one hospital, Bush posed for a picture with several doctors, then said, “I know you’re all wonderful people. After all, you’ve taken the Hypocritic oath.”

Security expert Ahmed Hussein said the British terror plots will affect not just airport security, but flying in general.

“When someone had a heart attack on a plane, it was common practice for flight attendants to ask, ‘Is there a doctor on the plane?’” he said. “But if they ask that question now, all the other passengers will have heart attacks.”