India and Pakistan: United in Despair

The early elimination of India and Pakistan in the 2007 World Cup has produced a surprising result, bringing the countries closer than ever before, united in disappointment and despair.

It all started after Pakistan lost to Ireland and coach Bob Woolmer was found dead in his hotel room. Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh sent a message of condolence to Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf: “The Indian people and I would like to convey our deepest sympathy on your tragic loss. We are sorry to hear about Mr. Woolmer’s death too.”

Musharraf responded a week later: “It is with great sadness that the Pakistan people and I learnt of your terrible tragedy. We know exactly how you feel and we hope we can help you through the grieving process.”

A day after receiving Musharraf’s message, Singh announced that he and Musharraf had agreed to meet in Delhi in a couple of weeks, so they could console each other in person. “They’re suddenly very close,” an inside source said. “They’re even on a shortened first-name basis.”

Indeed, Singh is believed to have said, “Thank you so much for your kind words, Perv.” And Musharraf replied, “Don’t mention it, Man.”

Even ordinary people on the street are feeling a sense of camaraderie with their neighbors. Thousands of Indians lined up outside the Pakistani embassy in Delhi to sign a book of condolences. “Your loss is our loss,” a young couple wrote. “We should have bet on Ireland.”

Perhaps the biggest sign of unity was seen in Bhubaneswar, Orissa, where a group of angry cricket fans burnt effigies of both teams. “We are protesting for Pakistan too,” the organizer said. “Both teams must feel our wrath.”

According to cricket historians, it wasn’t the first time the Pakistan team had felt the wrath of Indian fans. “It has happened a few times before,” said cricket historian Raj Gopal. “But never after a loss to Sri Lanka.”

Indian-Americans Flock to Doctor's Office

Indian-Americans have been visiting the doctor in large numbers since the cricket World Cup began in mid-March, an informal survey of employers shows.

“Three of my employees couldn’t come to work yesterday,” said Danny Ruppelsburger, president of a high-tech firm. “They all told me they needed to go to the doctor’s office.”

In an unrelated move, a popular Atlanta sports bar, which is showing the World Cup games, has changed its name to “Doctor’s Office.”

Rob Casper, owner of the former Primetime sports bar, denied that he was trying to make it easier for his customers to tell a lie. “We are actually trying to help them be more honest,” he said. “Now they don’t have to make up a story about coming here.”

Asked if it was legal for him to call his sports bar a “doctor’s office,” Casper said, “Of course, it’s legal. If we have a few dozen Indian-Americans here, there’s bound to be a doctor in the bunch.”

He added that many of his customers consider beer “a form of medicine – it makes them feel better.”

While many Indian-Americans have called in sick during India’s matches, some have eventually needed to visit the doctor’s office.

“Watching cricket, especially the World Cup, is very stressful,” said Dr. Rajiv Desai, a family physician. “I’ve had to treat several Indians for high blood pressure. I also treated one of them for a broken finger. He had punched his TV in frustration.”

The informal survey of employers found that Indian-Americans had called off work for non-medical reasons too. Some had transportation problems, others had to attend funerals, and a few had jury duty. One man told his boss that he couldn’t come to work because a meteorite had fallen on his car.

“I feel really bad for him,” the boss said. “A couple of weeks ago, he had a serious illness, then one of his relatives died, and now it’s a meteorite. What a rough month it’s been for him.”