Bollywood Awards: As Good as Oscars

The Bollywood Movie Awards, held recently at the Nassau Coliseum in Long Island, NY, are now considered as prestigious as the Academy Awards. “I am thrilled about this achievement,” organizer Kamal Dandona said. “It’s a long time coming.”

His excitement stems largely from an Esquire article that states that “with its gorgeous stars and numerous trophies, the BMAs are just like the Academy Awards, except for being as disorganized as a high school production.”

A smiling Dandona said, “They are the first American publication to say that our awards are just like the Academy Awards. It is truly a wonderful achievement for us.”

He issued a press release to the Indian media entitled “BMAs just like the Academy Awards, says Esquire magazine.” The press release, printed verbatim in dozens of newspapers, included statements from several celebrities who have been honored at the Bollywood Movie Awards.

“The Bollywood Movie Awards are better than the Academy Awards,” said action hero Steven Seagal. “They gave me an award in 2001 and they let me sing! The Academy Awards won’t even let me in the building.”

Fellow action hero Jean Claude Van Damme, who won the International Action Star award in 2004, was just as complimentary. “If you’re a celebrity and you’re willing to attend the Bollywood Movie Awards, they give you an award just for showing up,” Van Damme said. “You can’t beat that.”

Veteran actor Danny Glover, who this year received the Outstanding Contribution to Global Entertainment award, noted that thousands of people in the movie industry vote to decide who wins an Oscar. “The Academy Awards are too scrupulous,” he said. “I prefer the Bollywood Awards, because if Kamal Dandona wants to give you an award, he gives you one.”

Also praising the Bollywood Movie Awards was George Foreman, expected to be next year’s recipient of the Outstanding Contribution to Global Eating award. “The Bollywood Movie Awards are the best!” the former heavyweight boxing champion said. “Kamal told me he’s giving me a Bollywood Award next year. I was really excited to hear that, especially when he explained to me what Bollywood is. It’s like me – really big.”

Presidential Candidates Vie for Indian-American Vote

Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are competing for the desi vote, encouraged by a new study that shows that Indian-Americans are overwhelmingly Democratic.

The study, commissioned by the Asian American Legal Defense and Education Fund (AALDEF), found that 91 percent of Indian-Americans are Democrats and the remaining 9 percent are rich businessmen.

Sen. Obama made an appearance at a Washington, D.C., fundraiser organized by South Asians for Obama (SAFO), an event that was promoted as an ‘Obhangra.’

Not to be outdone, South Asians for Clinton (SAFC) raised money for the senator and former First Lady through a special ‘Clintondoori’ dinner.

Obama’s campaign manager, David Plouffe, said the senator is very familiar with Indian-Americans, having stayed at a number of motels. “They’re friendly people,” Plouffe said. “And they do a nice job with the sheets.”

Plouffe said he couldn’t recall any particular conversation between a motel owner and the senator. “Mostly they just nod,” he said. “And sometimes they say, ‘No parties, okay?’”

Asked if the motel owners needed to brush up on their English, Plouffe shook his head vigorously and said, “No, no, no. Of course not. Senator Obama needs to brush up on his Hindu.”

Clinton’s campaign manager, Patti Solis Doyle, looked surprised when she heard that Plouffe had perpetuated the stereotype of Indian-Americans as motel owners. “Senator Clinton has met Indian-Americans everywhere,” she said. “Not just at motels, but also gas stations, 7-Elevens and Dunkin’ Donuts.”

She noted that in 2004, Clinton had joked that Mahatma Gandhi ran a gas station in St. Louis. “She sincerely apologized for that,” Doyle said. “She realizes that Indians sell more than just gas.”

Another presidential candidate, Sen. Joseph Biden, got in trouble last year when he said, “In Delaware, the largest growth of population is Indian-Americans, moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I am not joking.”

Biden has since apologized, saying he didn’t mean to leave motel and gas station owners out.