Musharraf bares it all for Rice

Islamabad, Nov. 5 -- In a move that shocked Muslim clerics and others in this conservative country, Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf appeared naked Monday night on the state-run Pakistan Television, calling it a "goodwill gesture" to appease the United States and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

Earlier that day, Rice had called for Musharraf to "take off his uniform" and return the country to civilian rule.

"I've taken off my uniform, Condi," Musharraf said. "I'm waiting for instructions from you on what I should wear."

While the camera scanned his body, Musharraf laughed and said, "I am a general and these are my privates." He paused, looked down and shouted, "Attention!"

Pakistanis expressed shock at their president's nudity. "I knew he was a small man," said one woman, who requested anonymity. "But I didn't realize he was that small."

"Three of my children were watching," said another woman. "They are in utter shock. One of them shouted, 'The general has no clothes.' I had to take them all to a doctor. I had told them television is bad for them, but I didn't know how bad."

Some political observers speculated that Musharraf was drunk, while others believe he was merely stressed out about the political crisis in his country.

"He just declared a state of emergency," said Shahid Ismail, a political science professor at the University of Texas. "And now, because of his nudity, many women and children are undergoing emergency treatment."

Several Muslim clerics called for the president's resignation, one of them referring to him as "President Pervert Musharraf."

"He has brought shame upon the whole nation," said Sheikh Abdul Saeed. "In Pakistan, we are used to being in a state of unrest, but definitely not a state of undress."

Political opponents also called for the general to step down.

"We have seen him naked," former prime minister Nawaz Sharif said, "and we are saying to him, 'So long, General Musharraf.' And we don't mean that as a compliment."

Meanwhile, in the province of Sindh, the headline in a local newspaper -- "Musharraf bares it all for Rice" -- prompted thousands of people to go on a riot, demanding that they be allowed to get naked for rice, too.

Indian-Americans brimming with generosity

Indian-Americans are the most generous ethnic group in America, according to a national survey of charitable giving. The Gallup/USA Today survey found that Indian-Americans donate, on average, 24 percent of their income, many of them feeding and educating entire villages in India.

“Not only are we the top money-earners, we are also the top money-givers,” said a proud Niraj Joshi, president of the National Federation of Indian-American Federations.

The survey’s findings appear to contradict the stereotype that Indian-Americans are cheap and miserly. But Joshi said the findings may in fact explain such perceptions. “Of course, we are cheap,” he said. “We try to save as much money as we can, so we can give it to others.”

Atlanta resident Susan Verghese seemed to agree with Joshi. “My mom and dad probably appeared stingy to a lot of people,” she said. “They reused grocery bags in their trashcans, they stored food in empty yogurt and margarine containers, and they filled their kitchen drawers with hot sauce packets from Taco Bell. But after my dad passed away, I found out that he had been secretly sponsoring 1,000 underprivileged children in Kerala.”

The survey has helped many younger Indian-Americans understand their parents. “Now I know why my father insisted on driving a Toyota Camry,” said New Yorker John Patel. “He wanted the cheapest car that he could fit the whole family into. Little did I know that he was building a school in Gujarat.”

The survey found that the average Indian-American family earns $78,213 and gives away $18,771 of it, about 52 percent to India, 26 percent to America, and 22 percent to Nigeria.

“Nigerians are always sending me emails and I am always sending them money,” said Miami businessman Sunil Ganapathi. “I always feel sorry for them.”

Ganapathi was among several Indian-Americans who were unhappy that the survey’s results had been publicized. “If everyone knows we’re generous, they’re going to be asking us for money,” Ganapathi said. “My phone won’t stop ringing. The Salvation Army will put me on their speed dial.”